Saturday, November 7th, 2009




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If one researches this ?Lady? one will discover how the venerable Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, aka Gaga, has been an integral part of the pop scene for centuries, apparently shaping a succesful career penning songs for Pussycat Dolls and Britney? That?s according to her marketing team at least. Others claim she was a stripper in New York.


I guess the jury?s out, but sadly the record sales for this bland avant-retard are very much in… even if it took a song as generic, reiterative and low-risk as ?Just Dance? to actually launch her real pop career in terms of people knowing who she is.

Lady Gaga cites Donatella Versace and David Bowie as her two biggest inspirations.

But while Donatella (and the late Gianni) are celebrated internationally for their jaw-droopingly beautiful dresses, our Lady seems to stagger about in jaw-droppingly gash silver swim suits with spiky clusters of postmodern architecture cellotaped to her shoulder straps in a measley attempt to be Roisin Murphy (impossible).

As for Bowie? I?m uncertain what exactly our Lady could have learnt off him, David Bowie – an insuperably brilliant songwriter with an excess of creative genius. Apart from the occasional lightning bolt crayoned down her face, Lady Gaga is the antithesis to originality. Fake lashes to fake lashes, spunk-mad and frumpy, we know Lady Gaga?s a junkie. Her space-age outfits look like off-cuts from Kylie?s 2007 wardrobe, but only our Lady?s lack any kind of subtlety and look blindingly contrived.

Don?t misinterpret this article as me hating Lady Gaga though. I think she?s sufficiently chart-friendly, the sort of songs you don?t begrudge when they pop up on the screen in front of you at the gym. Considering there?s a recession and America has a lack of ?individual? female acts, it comes as no surprise that Lady Gaga is doing alright for herself.

Still, she?s the embodiment of pop plagiarism. No camp acts are spared the punishment of being Gaga-gobbled. The song Poker Face even has its own ‘Come on Barbie let?s go party’ male backing vocals, and her wigs are definitely from Pete Burns on eBay (during his pre-Flo Rida skint phase). I do actually like the atmospheric stormy skies in the Poker Face video. Like I said, she has a good marketing team.

Inevitably journalists have compared her to Madonna. If she succeeds in another 10 number 1 singles and learns to set a trend instead of following then they might have a point.

Can we read Lady Gaga?s poker face? I don?t care. Can Gwen Stefani read the glaring GWEN symbol flashing in the sky above Gotham city? I hope so.

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By: Jack Cullen

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